We believe in Unicorns

Yup, another Tuesday night of drinking on the cheap!

As we indulge small group style, we get the “Warning, we are through” text from one of our pals..

So we put the brakes on our weekly party (as any good friends would do) and scurry over to assist in post break up wound licking and man bashing!

We drive to the liquor store, only to sadly be locked out! By a minute!! Darn female bladder made us miss the hours of operation! Seriously had we not stopped to tinkle, we would have made it in time.  Double fisting beer it will have to be!

Once we all hug and sit around the yard, we discuss everything from how bad our past relationships are, to how bad our current situations are, to unicorn sex.  Yes I said unicorn sex… is a category definition we all came up with.  It is that unreal totally all about complete happiness worn out to the point of pass out, adult behavior. 

At some point we have decided we are the TRI-BITCH-FECTA!  The 3 of us think it’s a great description of our group.

Hours of laughs, mean spirited texts, then the final I love you text eloquently written by the 3 of us- in hopes to express our true feelings of the crumbled relationship, all is good again!  2 of us gather up our remaining beverages..which aren't much & are off so those 2 can make up “unicorn style”.  

**There is one side note here- and I honestly don’t recall when it happened, just know it did. When it is almost the 4^th of July in the USA fireworks are set off…We were not being shot at! I thought we were..even had grass stains on my knees because I did the dive in the lawn and cover my head.. 

Ah good times, good friends!

Music in my head

Humm Humm Humm…a goofy little tune I have never heard before, just making it up as I go.

Dance, Dance, Dance…to this goofy tune I am creating while driving in the car in way to much traffic…

Laugh and say to my passenger, “Sorry, I will turn on the radio. My inner happiness aka craziness was escaping.  Seriously wonder what the people in the other cars or walking think when they observe my oddness.  I will no longer torture you, yes turning on the radio now.” 

She dies laughing. “No need to apologize! Not sure who is more crazy though..I was dancing along and having just as much fun!”

Ahh..Now that is what having a little sister is all about. They are so connected they even hear the music in your head ! :)

Pedometer vs Ankle monitor

Pedometers - totally unfashionable tracking devices to show your daily mileage walked. Ankle monitor aka tether -a device that individuals under house arrest are often required to wear.

As my daughter and I are staring out the window waiting for my sister to finish up some work in her downtown office, we see a group of men walking together.

My daughter announces, “Wow those men are totally fitness aware! Look they all have pedometers strapped on!”  I look and shake my head, “No darling those are ankle monitors, they are most likely walking in a group because there is a halfway house for alcohol/drug offenders on this block and they all have driving privileges revoked!”

She frowns, and states another funny..”Well darn, here I was all pleased I even remembered what those goofy plastic things are, and here I coulda said ankle bracelets all along!” 

Child is FUNNY!

Live pinatas

Duckies are so cute!

We are raising them for the county fair as a 4H project..

Note the we, I have learned that 4H is a pay back thing. I was in it for years, and had no clue what my father sacrificed to help me until my own children are involved.  We raise the animals together…meaning I raise them, yell around at kids to be responsible, and then they take in a buck load of cash from the fair when they sell them in auction!!

Back to how cute they are though.

They are balls of fluff that beep and honk and waddle. They are too cute when they get to swim and do the duck dives in their little pool.

They are not so cute when they made themselves live piñata’s at 6am and I need to be at work! Daily routine, check the babies feed them change the litter every morning and evening.  Somehow over the course of the night they shredded the litter paper, added the water from the bathing pool & covered each other! They where literally live piñatas!  I could not help but laugh very hard at them.  They all needed bathed and then new litter added and I was only a few minutes late. It was a great start to the day, because how can you stay mad about fluffy helpless, confused animals??? 

They are now living in a barn yard and not showing their creative art side anymore. Now they are just plain funny because they look confused all the time and still think I am the mommy..

Biased car shopping

Buying a car is an experience..

Buying one with completely biased person, not fun!! So when I am totally desperate I ask my “friend” to assist me. I make sure he knows I need him at my home at 830am. This way we can have a full day of driving and searching.  Lets note that at 1030 I get the text OMG So sorry on my way…1230 show up.

Shrug it off, and away we drive to hunt these cars. I know my limit and I must find one, because the car is a gift to be delivered Monday…It is Saturday!! 

After driving to 4 different towns, call multi personal numbers, and check literally every used lot in the 3 surrounding counties we have narrowed it to 3 cars.  Dodge -Super cute car, not in the range, needs some work, make offer…denied. Leave..Next car GM - nothing needs done I like, he hates ..Off to final choice - Ford, make offer they accept! SCORE.. Send father to check it out, he hates it. And finds the DUCT TAPED on mirror I managed to miss.. So now it is going to be the GM product. All the fire in hell are delivered to me because my friend has wasted his day, his gas, his opinion doesn’t matter….BLABLABLA..Oh wait ears perk – did he just go there and say a shady thing about your father??

Up to that point of my father “is everything & him nothing”, I took the temper tantrum in stride & attend that internal board meeting of my voices..Voice 1 says, "Be polite your mother raised you to be a nice person!"  Apologize for making him feel this way, but it was not your intention. Voice 2 says, "Your mother raised to say nothing at all if you have nothing nice to say."  Simply ignore the fact your friend is out of line!! Voice 3 is saying in an annoyed voice, " What on Earth do we care what he is feeling like! He only likes a Ford. He will never like anything but the blue oval label.” Man oh mercy!!  Voice 4 pipes in, "You don’t need his crap, he was late, he only likes Ford, He always yells…GURL, this cat ain’t your friend, he is a person you incidentally met through mutual friends & we owe them a bitch slap for it! Total miss on their hook up advice!!” (once again voice 4 seriously has perpetual PMS & grudge holder issues) Voice 5 comments, in it’s snarky way says “apologize to calm the situation, then once alone advise him we should just not be “friends”

POP! Voice 4 is today’s winner, meeting over, he just took a blow on my Daddy…Proceed to Wig out in the most ugly girlly fashion.  Hand in air, scream in a high pitch voice, cry, and jump out of his truck order my 2 poor unfortunate wards out as well.  Tell him good bye and never look back…Until the next week any ways.  Voice 4 has not stopped singing naughty songs for a week now!

Update on the car shopping – the GM was a huge hit, My child it was bought for loves it, the financing agent was pleased, aka my parents are super pleased with the look and safety and price range..

Tequilla Tuesday

So It has been a while since I have blogged…ASSIDUOUS is my way of life.

Every Tuesday though, my dear friends and I have a vow to meet for Margaritas at the local joint.  One of these meetings took an interesting turn.  Well after our 3^rd Rita each we decided to play euchre.   So we all travel to my house, carnival style..One car following the other.  Everyone has been to my home more than once so it really makes a fun point in how much your perception is fuzzed once you are drinking tequila.

Everyone pulling in my driveway..except one..

The one walks up to the neighbors door, pulls it open and rolls on in.  She proceeds to yell at the man and woman on the couch about how we bitches lost her at the light.  Then demands to know where I am hiding, and if we didn’t want her to join for cards we should have just said so!! Then as the people stare at her in disbelief – cusses them and wants to know exactly who the heck they are and what is their problem…Finally the man says “You are in the wrong house, this is my wife, your friend lives next door”!

Friend runs out the house, hops in her car and drives away Nascar style!!

We are all standing  in my driveway looking at the odd interaction of next door, and realize too late what is happening. My cell phone twirps, it’s the lost little lamb from our group swearing and laughing. Even in my drizzled state I have my multi voices tossing a board meeting!!

Voice 1 says, "Duh, be polite your mother raised you to be a nice person!"  Apologize to neighbors.. Voice 2 says, "Your mother raised to say nothing at all if you have nothing nice to say."  Simply ignore the fact your friend is out of line!! Voice 3 is saying in an annoyed voice, " What on Earth do we care what they think of her, let alone us for hanging out with confused drunks”?  Man oh mercy!!  Voice 4 pipes in, "You don’t care what anyone thinks of you, You know you can’t please everyone all the time!! Besides these are the fools who waited until dark  to take a metal detector out in the yard to find the true property line, so you wouldn’t catch them…Laughs on them cuz you never sleep!! & caught them & called them out on it!!” (voice 4 seriously has perpetual PMS & grudge holder issues) Voice 5 comments, in it’s snarky but likely the one I let the world see most “ Send the male pal and son to apologize for 1. son is kid (they can’t be mean to a lil boy), and 2 the adult is sober-  you darling are NOT!!  Yup…opted to listen to voice 5..

Fun side note, this was months ago and the neighbors still don’t speak nor wave to me!!