Commando Shopping is not Advised

I learned the hard way that if you are wearing sagging pants you should definitely not go commando!  My new found wisdom was learned through a slightly horrifying shopping moment.

My mother and I went holiday shopping together at a local sporting goods store.  I happened to have on a pre-zumba pair of jeans.  They were  “sagging”…

A large box of 5000 paintballs needs lifted off the floor.  The pants in question where sagging a bit too low on my hips.  I bend with my knees and lifted with my legs, and rip went  the seam!!!

At this point I hear my mother gasp, and the man in the row choke.  As I leap to an up rite position, mother says “Hunny, you might want to ask Santa for jeans that won’t sag and some panties!!”  I turn to see if the male had left the area, but no he is still just standing there mouth gaping…. 

Oh the voices where having fun in my head!!   The 2 voice that are always echoing mother says are silent because mother is there & actually speaking her mind. Voice 3 is just plain annoyed as usual, because now I need to go home before planned and that is simply not in the time frame for the day.  Lil voice 4 with her Perpetual PMS is squawking about how stupid are you??  I told you these pant needed to go last time you wore them.  They are 2 sizes too big and look like you dropped a load in them after five minutes of wear.  Voice 5 is clueless on how to be nice at this moment & is stunned into silence.  Voice 6 will win again today, because the smarty pant thought was uttered….WOW….Who knew while lifting my balls off the ground I’d become an instant porn star in aisle 3!!

At this point the random man bolts, my mother shakes her head & I just pull my hoodie down a little bit.  I was on a mission, Shopping needed to be done, The breeze was cold but I was over the entire thing, Until I had one last fleeting thought while leaving the store as I read the bright red sign.  WARNING UNDER IN-STORE SURVEILLANCE. Yea right! I am sure my @$$ which was under in-store only video surveillance will be a point of laughter on YOUTUBE or some other website..